Christmas Songs: Top Ten

These are probably the greatest Christmas-type songs of all time. All time! That’s a lot of time. All of it in fact.

10.     Gayla Peevey – I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas

I think La originally introduced me to this little gem. Gayla Peevey is vaguely annoying but think that’s the point. Also I always thought it was sung by Shirley Temple, because of that 1930s style, but it’s not. It’s certainly sung in a similar style to Annette Hanshaw’s “I Faw’ Down and Go Boom” although she didn’t have the excuse of being a child. Apparently the B-Side to this particular Hippo-based song was “Are My Ears on Straight?” That’s also on youtube. Seriously. Anyway, it’s not Christmas without wanting said aforementioned amphibious mammal.

9.       Ella Fitzgerald – The Christmas Song

Excellent use of definite article there, suggesting there are no comparable songs of this type. A real winter warmer by a singer I call “Auntie Ella” even those she’s not related as far as I’m aware; no, I don’t know where that comes from. Still, she has a lovely voice, there’s some plinky glockenspiel/xylophone going on and it’s all rather atmospheric. Shoe-in.

8.       Run DMC – Christmas Is

For a while, I thought this song was about giving up “the dope.” Actually, DJs Run and DMC are urging the more charitable act of giving up “dough,” which is apparently street parlance for money. It starts with the obligatory bells, mentions everything necessary (turkey, St Nick, (lack of) snow,  holly, etc) and has a very weird little voice that intones “merry Christmas” in an off-key during the chorus. It’s a song about Christmas that isn’t too clichéd and quite fun. Enjoy.

7.       Darlene Love – It’s Christmas Baby (Please Come Home)

To be honest, for years I’ve only known the scratchy bootleg U2 version of this song. However, the original scratchy version by Darlene Love is apparently fairly famous in America and much better. Apparently Cher was one of the original backing singers. Imagine if Cher had just been a backing singer. That would have been amazing. Anyway, the song’s awesome.

6.       The Pogues & Kirsty MacColl – Fairytale of New York

This is a song which splits my own opinion. I kind of hate it, and its permanence in the lexicon of festive music. However, it’s still a bit brilliant. If all Irish drinking songs were like this, then I’d be much happier. It’s all bittersweet, sing-a-long and upbeat at the same. My ambivalence makes it an almost certain choice.

5.       Zooey Deschanel & Leon Redbone – It’s Cold Outside

I know it’s not the original, but it’s good. The contrasting (and distinctive) voices emphasise the “interrupting” duet beautifully. There can’t be a man alive who doesn’t want Leon Redbone’s voice, or name. Much like Ella Fitzgerald above, it’s a proper fireplace, wooden lodge, mulled wine, indoor song.

4.       The Carpenters – Merry Christmas Darling

Not a lot to say about this. The Carpenters were great and this song is great. It may feel a bit cut-and-paste from any Christmas card, but great singing and generally composition elevate it beyond the lyrics.

3.       Mariah Carey – All I Want for Christmas is You

Arguably the only good thing Mariah Carey has ever done. It’s just so difficult not to like. For once, her unnecessary trilling seems almost, well, necessary. It’s like there’s a (Christmas) party going on in your head and everyone’s invited. I think she’s released every other previously-recorded Christmas song since, but this is all killer.

2.       David Bowie and Bing Crosby – Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy

With this song, I insist that the short pre-ballad conversation between the two legends is included. David Bowie explains that he sings “mostly contemporary stuff” and Bing suggests that modern music is “marvellous.” It’s all pretty traditional, sung in the round. It’s a lovely thing.

1.       The Waitresses – Christmas Wrapping

I only know this, and “I Know What Boy’s Like” by the Waitresses. I like that the beat is progressive and fairly uncomplicated. Also, it tells a story, like a song might. I think as I’ve gone through this list, I’ve felt the choices are more and more obvious, so need less explaining.

Anyway, that is my attempt at listing the best Christmas songs in a coherent order. I’ve probably unwittingly left out something important. However, I have knowingly failed to include a number of things on this list. “Only You” by the Flying Pickets is sometimes considered to be festive, and whilst it is an excellent song that may have otherwise been in with a chance, I cannot really understand why it falls into the Christmas bracket. Similarly, “Stop the Calvalry” by Jona Lewis is not a Christmas song just because it’s got some bells in it. Also, it wouldn’t get in the top ten anyway. “In Dulci Jubilo” by Mike Oldfield was a tempter as well, but not really a song in this incarnation.

The whole of the Muppets Christmas Carol soundtrack is great, but you can’t really separate the songs and the South Park Christmas songs (particularly Swiss Colony Beef Log, Dreidel Dreidel Dreidel, and The Most Offensive Song Ever) are brilliant if generally unsuitable for playing in Asda.

That’s it. Merry Christmas songs.

 

News

I like news. Particularly I like to know what's going on in the world and why. Unfortunately, we are living in a time where, when something big happens, the first thing we know is what some vaguely famous person has tweeted about it. Even previously solid journalistic institutions need to rely on immediate social media responses to keep up with the "instant news" environment. I remember where I was when Nelson Mandela was freed and when the twin towers were destroyed; in front of the television, because that was the obvious option. Nowadays, people are as likely to be apprised of massive news events whilst sat on the train or in the toilet, and the coverage they receive will likely contain any number of sad-face emojis.

News comes at us from various online directions, but even websites like that of the BBC now use either sensationalist or obscure headlines to garner readership. With so many pop-up links to... and here I digress because I thought I'd search for some of those sidebar-clickbait-type nonesense stories to finish that sentence with so I went onto the Daily Mail website. There, although providing plenty of examples of the aforementioned trashy news ("Rita Ora goes completely topless," something about Carol Vorderman and suicide, The Grand Tour trio literally wait for fog to pass, etc) I found that the main page headline was, wait for it: "EXCLUSIVE: That's rich! Policeman 'disgusted' by 18-year-old daughter's plan to sell her virginity for £850,000 to 'save her home' as family is NOT struggling or about to be evicted." Amazing! That is literally a newspaper's headline. Hooray for the independent media! It's not like there's anything important going on in the world at the moment. Clearly what we should all be concentrating on is whether someone we've never heard of becomes an escort (on at least one occasion) to try and make a shitload of cash from someone rich and gullible.

What I'd really like is for journalism to inform and educate. It was my general understanding that the media in an enlightened society acted as an important checking system to those in power. However, in this post-truth political landscape, the media goes hand-in-hand with the espousing of unverifiable bullshit that massively influences public opinion and often distracts them from really important things. Essentally the power of the media is often used against the interests of the people, which is probably acceptable because no-one buys newspapers any more. It'll be great when the BBC has its funding taken away, due to new austerity measures the Tories will introduce to deal with the series of economic crises that will continue to take them by surprise whilst the UK gets pulled out of Europe, because they will then need to find some other way of funding the news (like selling their ethical virginity to the highest bidder), or just rely on what Kanye West has tweeted like everyone else.

Seriously though. With so much news going on, and an unnecessary amount of opinion, comment, argument and counter-argument about every point, I would just like to be given some facts about genuinely important stuff as and when it happens (not necessarily straight away, but soon enough to be relevant).

I'm going to try and write some news articles. Technicalities aside, I'm not a journalist so will have to do what everyone else does and get my info from other sources. Perhaps that will just make me as bad as everyone else. If so, I'll probably stop. Who knows if there's really anything going on out there anyway. Feel free to ignore this.

Welcome, Bienvenue and Willkommen

It is fully my intention to reboot this blog to be some sort of receptacle for news, features and things of general interest. In a world filled with division, conflict, uncertainty and general stupidity, I feel I should write some stuff down. However, it may be a terrible idea. Or I may be doing exactly what other people are doing on social media. Who knows? This is by no means a mission statement. In fact it's just a piece to help me reconfigure my existing blog to have a more approachable structure. I'm hoping that anything I write subsequent to this will actually have some truth, meaning, or points of interest...